who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
