i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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