"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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