Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
