birth control should be required to get into college
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
