I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
