Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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