She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
