Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
