so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you didnt know i had herpes?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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