She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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