You just made me feel so damn special
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
