none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
