Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
