Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
