Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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