i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
