I love having hate sex.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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