ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
