I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
