Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
