Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
