I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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