where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
