Can Purell be used as lube?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
