Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
