Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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