You work out of a Hotel?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i drank out of a bidet.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
