Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
