i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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