You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
