she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize