i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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