Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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