I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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