I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
