i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
