VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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