I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
