The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
