its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
