I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
