Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
