That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
