you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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