Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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