He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
