new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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