Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
