I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
