I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
