So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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