Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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