we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
