Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
accomplished twins. life is a go
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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