dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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