Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
