Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
