Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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