I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
