i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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