I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
