I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
