We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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