She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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