All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
