I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
