The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
