i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?