By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
