I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize