tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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