When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
