They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
